Empty

Back to my empty mood, don't wanna feel anymore sigh... I wish I could love, its what I've been dreaming of for so long, but I know I can't, I have to push anyone I get too close to away because I know it wouldn't work, I know I'll always be alone. So many people have tried, saying they wanna get to know me, to try and help me, but in the end they all gave up, all left me be and went off with some other guy. But I'm not bitter about it, somehow I knew it would end always end like that. Its okay, its nice to see other people happy, although i do wish it could happen to me. Just so hard to accept, when you're a true romantic and all you've waited for is for someone to love and who will love you in return, but than I know its a hopeless search for me, but I still can't let it go sigh... I am demented, crazed, emotionally unstable and sucidal, I have to be cold... not by choice but by need, I must not allow myself to fall in love again... no more silly idealistic emotions I have to outgrow it before its to late...



Strange how the song As It Stands by Juliana Theory really says it all. Especially the verse:

and everyone i've held in my arms
i believe i pushed away
i would be there if i could be there
but as it stands i'm gone
everyone has slipped away

And another of their songs, The Hardest Thing, which chorus goes:

sometimes the hardest things in life
are the things we have to do
and even when we feel it's right
I never wanna hurt you



I'm sorry for the people I've hurt... intentionally or not... Its hard but its what I have to do...





Watch my demise as I rot in silence...
A longing, a wish, that leaves me crying...
Give up the dream, awaken to reality...
embrace the coldness that leaves you with numbness...