I'll Live For God And Not Myself!

Haha WOOHOO! =P I'm doing a 180 degree turn around and getting myself out of that crappy situation I always end up in. TIME TO STOP THE NONSENSE haha, and grow out of this 'I'm so lonely no one loves me' crap. I realize there are still a lot of people who care for me, gosh you wonderful people =D And I kind of let one person make me feel really lousy (although the person probably doesn't even know too), which is SO silly! Like GOSH, what am I doing man, I can't let other people affect me like this, the only person who should be allowed to make such a big impact in my life is God! And yeah, I'm really over that whole nonsense already, like I'll just leave it to God (the way I used to do it and still should =P). And yeah, today was a good day!

Of cause for the camp debrief there were quite a few stuff bring said and all and yeah, I didn't like quite a bit of it. But yeah, we all have to love each other, and you know, work things out, theres really so much that can be improved. And I'm going to make it a point to really pray for Nat, I really do see potential in him its just that you know, the environment he grew up in and stuff affects his thinking. And changing mindsets is not something people can really do, its really up to God so I'll pray, and find opportunities to help out in any way. But yeah, found out today there was quite a lot going on during the planning of the whole thing and wow, its really things to think about and pray for the church.

Its just so sad how we always say some negative stuff is 'just CMC culture', and like oh, its normal. I think its really bad that we allow these things to become like common to us, and yeah, it affects how people respond and think about things. Like how CMC youths are a 'clique ministry', so many of the CGs are so inward thinking. Yes its expected that since everyone grew up together they'll be very close, but it really is sad it goes to the extend outsiders don't stand a chance of getting into a CG. And its always like 'hey, that guy looks/talks/seems weird/funny/strange' and people will make fun of them and stuff or say 'oh, he's to different, he can't fit in'. Honestly I feel that CGs should be more open and accepting, but it seems in CMC its like for the happening CGs they are so bonded and together they reject other things, and you know go for what they believe in, or what the feel is right. I think I'll stop on this for awhile, because yeah, its bordering close to 'attacking' certain CGs and I don't want to do that, I want to stay as objective as possible. Honestly my CG isn't very good too, I'll admit, and I haven't been doing much to make any improvements, so yeah, its really something I myself have to work on.

Now on to the lighter things haha, I really am happy for CAM, they are a wonderful ministry and I really want to see them grow. And I think it is happening, CAM has grown through the past year and theres just so much more to expect this year. I just get SOOOO excited talking about this year! Haha yeah, its like there so much planned already, and yeah, I think God is really gonna start something moving and we'll all just be swept away in it.

I REALLY REALLY LOVE Godsrockers haha! Its really my ministry, like I was there from the beginning and watching it grow over the years, it really means so much for me! And I really love all the people in it too, especially Kevin and Jon =D Its like with Kevin we can talk about all our crazy dreams, and all the wonderful things we want to see happen, and yeah, its just amazing how the things we say are like what each other were already thinking about and you know, it just all clicks together. But for myself I want to slow down a bit, and yeah, really pray and ask God to reveal more of what He wants, I don't want to get carried away in all my excitement =P And Jon is really such a wonderful brother, really is like an older brother haha, thanks Jon for being there =)

And today was a wonderful day! Yesterday too but only Salene will know why =P Haha yeah, I felt that worship was good for me, and I really hope it was for everyone else too, all the people jumping =P But yeah, after playing I realized something VERY important, its very easy to let pride get the better of you. For a moment I was thinking like wow, I really did bring the energy level up didn't I? And then I realized what I was thinking and like GOSH, how can I think like that? Its not me that does it, its God through me. Like when I get so energized and I'm really whacking away it sounds good only because its my worship to God, and I just want to rejoice, and God uses that to bless others. Without God its just a whole lot of noise, meaningless sound.

And yeah, it was wonderful hanging out with wveryone haha GOSH, I really love it when like just out with Jon, Kevin, Salene, etc... and you know we just talk about so many things. Like church and stuff, I think its good to like do this, to think about what we can do to help, but also recognising our limitations and we also have to submit to authority, a very important thing to remember. Because yeah, the church moves as a whole, under a common goal and vision, not following what one or a group of people believe. And also knowing that God put people in authority and gave them the discernment and wisdom to decide, and we have to trust in it no matter what we feel. And yeah Salene, its just so exciting right! Haha its so weird how Kevin, you and I just have so many similar ideas its so amazing! Really so excited haha. And I very happy that Jon will be around this year like yeah! He'll get to see all the wonderful things happen and I think he really deserves to, yeah Jon you've put quite a lot into Godsrockers when you've been around and you really deserve to see it really grow, and yeah not just Godsrockers but the whole youth ministry, its just wonderful to have you around for this year of breakthrough.

Haha gosh I'm so excited I've done a mega posting haha, but really its just too much to contain, I'm really so looking forward to everything, and I wouldn't let myself get so down in the dumps again haha.





With faith like a child.