Scared And Hanging On For Dear Life

I'm scared, really scared. Scared I'll lose myself, and there wouldn't be anyone to help me back on track again like last time. I'm going insane honestly, and I'm just trying so hard to put my thoughts in order, and get rid of all the nonsense. It just feels so lousy, to have given so much and gotten nothing in the end, everything I've done here on Earth for other people is all a waste, in the end I stand alone. I remember reading somewhere in the bible before someone was saying how meaningless everything is, and I find it true. Meaningless. Friendships what do they do for you? Take the time be there for people, take the time to get to know them, but in the end, when they don't need you anymore they leave you. Or they eventually lose interest, and you're all alone again. Is man kind so pathetic? That they can never make friendships that will last? I think everything man does is doomed to fail in the start, friendship is meaning less, anything to do with this world is meaningless, all that remains is God. I've given up on friendships, I've given up believing people will actually care, that they'll even take the extra effort when they eventually lose interest. And I've given up trying to be a good friend anymore, I don't want to be used and ignored, to go the extra mile for nothing, I don't want to waste my time anymore. There is no such thing as a close friend to me anymore, everyone is just a 'friend'. I wouldn't pretend to be close anymore, I wouldn't go through the whole charade, and don't come looking for me anymore, I wouldn't be there. I've had enough of meaningless friendships, now I only build one friendship, the only one that lasts and thats the one with God. Yes I'm bitter and hardened, thats what months of silence and loneliness can do to a person.