Enough Of The Phoniness

I had it, no more trying to smile, and trying to talk to people when I know I'm not okay, and I don't really want to talk about it. I'm not gonna deceive myself anymore, I'm not okay, things aren't getting better, its nice people trying to help but it isn't really helping, trying to cheer me up wouldn't get me anywhere cause I can't even cheer myself up, and I'm honestly just making myself smile and deceiving myself into thinking that I actually feeling better. I'm sorry guys, if I'm frustrating, I know you all care about me and really do appreciate it, but somehow theres just this thing inside of me that makes me feel lonely, theres just a part of me no one can reach and yeah... My world has completely gone silent, everything has just disappeared, you can walk right in front of me and I wouldn't see you, you can call me by my name but I just wouldn't hear you, just lost in a daze. Sorry if I ignored any people today, I think you all could see something was wrong right yeah... but still feel sorry about ignoring you guys if I did, just not feeling myself, or anything for that matter right now. At least I've come to grips with the fact I'll always be alone, can forget about trying to find the 'one' cause theres no 'one' for me haha, and that will save me a lot of heartbreak cause if I tried I'd only be left hurt and left for death over and over again, and I honestly don't know how many more times of that I can think. So yeah, now I don't have to worry anymore, no more looking for what I can't have, no more idealistic romantic dreams, time to wake up to reality and breathe in the cynical logic. I wouldn't pretend things are okay anymore and put on my fake smiles, I hope you guys understand being true myself is important to me, and right now I'm not feeling too good, and pretending I'm okay just isn't being what I really am right now yeah.