Numb Again

Yup its back, its the fourth stage of my cycle, the part before the healing. So yeah, just wanna warn you guys that I'm not in a very sociable mood now, and I'm sorry if I come across cold okay? Church was weird today, I don't know, for some reason I couldn't stand it when people were laughing and stuff, I guess I felt like they should give me some quiet while I try to talk to God and try to listen to him, but its not anyones fault really, just because I'm in a super crappy mood doesn't mean other people must be more careful with me, especially when they don't know I'm in the crappy mood in the first place. I just kept crying, I don't know why, but after all the crying I feel kinda numb and cold, and I like that. I want to settle into the numbness for awhile, not feel or think anything anymore, cause I'm just so tired. So tired of trying, tired of finding people and tryin to make myself not feel so lonely anymore. I give up, I'll just stay lonely, its for the best I guess, I'll just rot away quietly in my silent world, wouldn't really matter does it? I can't let people in, even if they tried, I really appreciate it but its just me, I'm self-destructive and self-pitying, I don't want to bring other people down with me. So yeah, I'll just stay away, that way I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone and no one will be able to hurt me. The numbness will keep me company anyway.