God Help Me... I'm Drowning In Dispair And Only You Can Save Me

Sigh... all this blogging these few days doesn't even come close to all the mayhem thats been going on inside of me. Its just a feeling you can't express with words, its something no one else could ever understand. I need you God... I don't like what I'm becoming, my life just seems to be filled with pain and sadness, and an intense hatred of everything I am. And so I want every else to hate me too, because it feels like they can't really be my friends so the other alternative is to be my enemies. I know I'm not making sense, I'm just so lost, wishing I had someone I could really talk too... Why is it I've only sunken so low recently? Like everything just collapsed, it didn't even go downhill it just went straight to hell this year. I've always been alone, and it never really mattered but now it just hurts so much... I don't want this anymore, I wish I could just forget about friendships and relationships because they don't seem to build me up at all, I just keep getting hurt and torn down by it all. Maybe I just haven't met the right people to be my friends yet, maybe I'm suppose to live with this, whatever it is I hope you do something soon God cause I don't want to become what I hate, I don't want to lose all the good things I had and become this monster. Thats what I am now, some hidious monster, I guess thats why everyone wants to avoid me isn't it? I don't blame them really... and I can't do anything about it but pray, pray that you just handle it God, teach me to live without friends or whatever, just save me... I had enough... I don't want to fall anymore cause what I'll turn to next really really scares me...