Sigh... What Is Becoming Of Me...

Sigh... I really wonder whats wrong with me, I've become so cold-hearted and harden up so much I really don't know who I am anymore. Its so scary, I've become the thing I've always hated, the thing that hated love, hated being nice and caring. Because its so hard to just go on doing those stuff when you get nothing in return, it gets harder and harder and honestly its come to a point I don't see why I'm doing it when I just get hurt more everytime, yes its not intentional but it happens, I get hurt very easily and I don't let it show, but its still there and I just can't take it anymore. Maybe thats why I've allowed myself to harden up so much, because I'm fed up, fed up of trying to have friends and be happy and the whole charade, ignoring the pain thats just festering underneathe. I used to have a friend who knew when I was upset, who'd always come talk to me when she felt there was something up and I needed someone to talk to, and I always felt better after talking to her. Sadly I don't have anyone like that anymore. Its like everyone just chooses to ignore me when I'm feeling real aweful and down, like oh, he's in his mood again, lets just avoid him till he gets better yeah. Problem is I'll never get better, never when I'm alone, the lonelier I am the worse I get and well, its a fact I'll always be lonely so yeah. And the only other alternative seems to be to just close up, harden up and not bother about anyone anymore. Or at least for the moment, I'm just not gonna care or feel anymore, although I'm getting a bit worried it'll be kinda permanent... Oh well, I shouldn't talk about this anymore it'll probably make me feel worse, or at least for today, I'll probably be back to rant and go on and on about my depressing life, man I have some serious issues, but wouldn't you if you had to go through life alone?