Sigh..

Sigh... my sundays really aren't the same anymore... like during sermon just sat there, and although was with paul still felt like yeah, I was sitting alone, just wasting away. And playing for super sunday just felt so weird, just didn't feel right, was the same for worship during service, couldn't open my mouth to sing, couldn't really worship, everything just felt so wrong. But what surprises me the most is I didn't feel a thing for the whole of today, its like I've sucessfully killed off emotions in me, and just switched off my brain, didn't think about anything for the whole of today, and it felt good. It felt good to not feel or think anymore, and it didn't exactly feel empty either. I'm like lost in my own world, my own world of music yeah, and I think I can finally live without other people, like yeah, I'm finally learning to live alone. Soon I'm gonna go watch a movie alone, which is one more step towards independence from friends haha, well I can't do anything about it since no one is ever free to catch a movie with me. What can I do? =P And I find the longer periods of times with less or no converstations actually makes it easier, I don't miss talking to people that much anymore, I don't miss not seeing people so much anymore, yeah, I can finally have nothing to miss and feel miserable about not seeing anymore =D And I just LOVE music, really its my escape, my other world away from here, where I can just be alive, feel all the wonderful things again without any worry of getting hurt. Oh and thanks jh for being there for me, *hugs* really appreicate you trying to cheer me up and stuff, but I don't know just feel like I've kinda forgotten how to really laugh and stuff haha, hopefully I'll get it back soon yups.