Fading Away?

Sigh, been having a weird feeling I've been trying to shake away but it just sticks. It's weird, like I really feel like I don't belong in CMC anymore. I feel so drifted and far apart from everyone, it's like I'm just fading away. I've never really felt so invisible before it's strange, and I'm seriously wondering if my time here is ending, like maybe it's time I moved on to somewhere else. It just feels so empty, like I go to church for the sole reason of serving and trying to get closer to God. Which is a lot and very good mind you, but like besides that I do feel quite lonely. My church friends used to be the most important people to me, now I don't really seem to know anyone anymore, I'm a nobody just quietly watching. I hate this stupid feeling lonely thing, and I hate having to depend on people to not feel lonely. Everyone's too busy to always be there, everyone's got their own life's to live, there has to be a way to carry on living alone. I know I should just depend on God, but sometimes you just really wish there was someone else you could also talk to. I really hope this gets sorted out soon, all I can really do now is just pray about it yups.

And on another thing I'm feeling a little down. My birthday this year really wasn't very nice, like I think no one remembered except those who were reminded in someway or another (And a few angels who actually managed to remember by themselves). It's the first time in my life I didn't have a birthday cake, and I didn't get any presents (Which is perfectly fine I always hardly get any). But yeah, I just hate this feeling of like being forgotten, and I know it's no one's fault but it's still there. Sigh... and when I think about my future haha, I just make up my mind not to think about it anymore. It's really not in my hands anymore, like really what happens all depends on God now. I can't think about stuff like getting into a relationship and all that kinda stuff, like my life is gonna be anything but stable and yeah, it's really up to what God has planned for me already. Confusing isn't it my life, and the way I am, oh well prayer can do wonders so yups, waiting for things to get better.





Trying to sort things out,
And end this lonely emptiness,
With faith like a child.

Quiet

Hm... it seems like it's been a very quiet weekend. Besides practise yesterday and playing today there really isn't much left to say about my weekend. Just feels kinda weird, being alone most of my weekend, kinda feel a little lonely but it's alright. Oh and it's my birthday this tuesday, but hm... no one really seems to know about it haha. It's alright really, will probably just pass me by soon yups, I guess it wasn't really a very good weekend, but it'll do yups =)



With faith like a child.

Field Camp Is Over!

Haha YES! My field camp is over, I'm so happy! It really wasn't too bad yeah, quite an interesting time I must say. But then, my weekend wasn't really all that great so yeah =( Like I got out on saturday so yeah, went to chill at Paul's place, wasn't to bad except for the fact I'm sick now =l So like yeah, I was really not feeling to good at all. And then I missed church yesterday shucks... went to see the doctor so yeah, at least I managed to watch a movie with Paul at night and did a bit of shopping =) And now it's monday, a few hours later I'll be getting ready to go back it gosh... it seems to be so fast... But at least this week isn't too bad, like I get to go out on friday night cause of elections on saturday so yeah, short week in camp this week =D That's about all I guess, haven't really been talking to people outside much but it's alright, like I'm in army after all =P




With faith like a child.