Sunday, October 30, 2005

How The Lonely Keep

That's the name of an album by the band Terminal, a pity I haven't been able to find it. Probably would be a very good CD to add to my collection considering I've always really been a loner haha. Well, really do thank God for guitars and music, my best friends =D Well don't wanna talk about this too much, I'm alright I guess, been able to keep things inside for so long whats a bit more right haha.




With faith like a child.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Wow It's Already Wednesday

Wow, time seems to fly so fast. Its wednesday already gosh... don't seem to have been doing much haha. Strange I can't really find people to talk to anymore =l Just seems soooo quiet gosh... Feeling a lil down... but oh well! Thank God for guitars =D Helps me kill the time, and yeah, something I like and I can do =D Guess it can't be helped that I don't have many friends, gotta find other ways to keep myself occupied haha =P Guitar playing therapy haha, its a new way to cope with loneliness!





Faith like a child.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Another Peaceful Day

Hm... quite an alright day today, starting to learn a couple of Jack Johnson songs =D Then hm... yeah, practiced guitar, chilled out, my usual day =P Yesterday wasn't too bad either, practice and all was quite good. Haha dancing hm... I guess I'm just not used to learning other people's moves and stuff, feels weird to me, but of cause I'll continue trying =D And think it was good that Shawn and Kafai gave feedback on the script and yeah changing it, although it is a lil last minute but its all for the better! Dinner was =s Okay I guess, didn't eat very much,and had to pay a bit for someone else because she forgot to bring enough money =l But its okay really haha, whats important is the fellowship yeah! Was nice having dinner with the rest =D And I think I slept the earliest ever since a couple of months ago last night, slept at 1 gosh, thats so early =s





With faith like a child.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Lalala~

Hm... I'm suddenly in an artsy photo taking mood haha =P Its the attack of my artistic side again gosh! Haha but yeah, I do like taking shots of scenery and stuff hm... maybe I'll go do something some day soon =D Yup yup, might as well go explore all the stuff I've liked when I did do and try it out again =P Drawing hm... I seem to be too outta touch man... Maybe I'll try again but I seem to have lost my drawing abilities =( It could be I just gotta work on it a bit more so hm... worth another shot =P And I'm glad I'm helping out for CAM, gives me a chance to try the other stuff I've always liked too =D Haha wow, its so cool I have the time to explore all these artistic things and yeah, have fun =D Pity I never got to really do all of it when I was younger oh well =P





With faith like a child.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

=)

Haha man, I really thank God for Salene, such a wonderful friend! =D And its just amazing how talking to her will get me thinking about stuff haha, really am very thankful for her =) Not to mention she's usually the only person around at the right time to talk to haha =P Today was hm... okay I guess, oh now I know when I'm going army haha, actually quite excited about it man I must be a lil crazy =P Maybe its cause of all the stuff that's gonna happen after it haha. Although I have no idea what but I know God has plans for me yup =) So yeah, doesn't matter I don't know whats gonna happen, or have any idea at all in what sorta direction it'll lead me but hey! I'm just enjoying the ride God is the driver haha, so yeah, you can bet its gonna be one amazing journey =P





With faith like a child.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Back To The Routine

Hm... things are more or less settled down again yup yup, had a decent day yesterday. Thank goodness Paul and Calvin were still in church when I was leaving if not I'd have gone straight home and that would have really sucked =l Like sunday is the only day I ever go out, and man, if I stay home on sunday too I'd feel quite miserable =s Aside from that yeah, slowly getting back to normal again yay =) Today just played around with my guitar and stuff, yeah, nothing much really, just another normal quiet day. Guess I'll go play around with my guitar somemore and yeah sleep and stuff haha, hopefully I'll get to talk with people tomorrow yups =) And oh, for people who actually come here you'd have noticed the tag board is gone, took it off cause it was just wasting space haha =P





With faith like a child.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

My Alibi

Artist: Blindside
Song: My Alibi

My feet felt light for the first time in months
It was like You came walking across the room
Straight at me and then straight through me
And then stopped and stood still for awhile
I knew then that I’d been lonely for quite some time
And as we started to dance, You gently took off my tear-soaked coat
And let it fall heavy to the floor and then
We danced some more

When all is said and done
When all is gone and still just begun
I will be asked what I did with my time and why
Can You be my alibi
Cause I know I spent it dancing with You

I have been here before
These emotions are relived
It’s like a joy déjà vu
You have been walking along
With me for quite some time
But me with my deaf ear and my blind sides
Both of these I turned against You
We all know that You’re there
We all know

When all is said and done
When all is gone and still just begun
I will be asked what I did with my time and why
Can You be my alibi
Cause I know I spent it dancing with You

Said and done
Now all is gone and still just begun
What have I done with my time and why
You are my alibi
Cause I know
I know I’m dancing with You







I want to make this true for me, when all is past I want to be able to say those words to God. So what if I don't seem to have as many friends as I want, so what if they don't seem to care as much as I would want them to? I'm gonna spend my time dancing with Him, and all will be fine.






With faith like a child.

The Irony

What irony, the moment I think of closing down my blog I find I still need to use it so much. It hurts, to always feel so lonely, and it hurts when no one seems to be able to help me, but its true... No one in this world could stop me from feeling lonely, nothing will change the fact I'll never fit in. All I can do is pray, everyday just pray that God can fill the hole inside, that He can heal my soul. I don't want to go through all the pain again, it hurts and it doesn't just affect me I know it affects the few people around me... So yeah, I'm trying to keep in under control, and I'm trying not to depend on people too much, cause ultimately its what I have to resolve by myself. And honestly what people do I have to depend on? Don't wanna be a bother to anyone. Gosh I did see this coming, I remembered a few posts ago I felt something bad might be coming my way, and honestly I forgot about it, I didn't even think of it again until now. Oh gosh the tears are coming again, I think that's enough for now.





With faith like a child.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Hm?

Haha hm... I think I'm not gonna bother posting stuff for awhile, like I really prefer talking about stuff that goes through my mind rather then writing it down, and yeah I got one or two people who I can talk to so yeah =) My tagboard is dead already haha, and I honestly don't feel like posting much anymore I don't know, may be I'll just close down this blog doesn't really serve any purpose anymore. Like if I wanna angst or anything I'll just go straight to God haha, and well, the people who should know about whats going on with me should already know before any posts are up so yeah, I think I'll take some time to consider closing this blog down hm...






With faith like a child.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Yay! Good Day =)

Haha yay! I'm so happy I went for revival service today! =D Bet you are too right Salene =P Haha yeah, i think today was good, I'm finally rid of something thats really been pestering me! Its a sin I was struggling with but haha, only one person knows what it is and I think its okay that way =P But yeah, sermon was INCREDIBLE, amazing okay! Really spoke to me cause on my way to church God gave me a word and it was related directly with the sermon! And I was like WOW, so thats what God wanted me to know! Really is amazing haha, lalala~ happy day =D






With faith like a child.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

You Always Were There To Rescue Me

Artist: Project 86
Title: From December

It's the first day
Since I handed you your final rose
In your house
I'm staring out the window at our tree (We planted below)

The heights of which
You'll never
Ever know

You always
Were there to rescue me
From december

I wonder if you'll look the same
When you embrace me on that day
Will you remember my name
When I return home again?

In my minds eye
I see you next to me as I'm on my knees
It's in this place
That you showed me how to ask eternity

For shelter
For comfort
For relief

I see our branches stretching
To heights you'd not believe
One day these leaves will reach you
And there will be no more

Pain

You always gave me refuge
Unconditional
You always offered shelter
From December's snow
My chin still rests upon you
While my feet they sway
I wonder if you'll look the same
When you embrace me
On that day





Kinda what I'm feeling now, amazing how God has always been there to rescue me gosh... Really good song, but its one of those noisy bands, post-hardcore sort of thing so yeah, not for just anyone haha =P But yeah, just so glad God is always there to rescue me =)




With faith like a child.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Weird Mood

Gosh I'm in a weird mood today =s Feel so um... bored and restless and stuff, and gosh its like AWEFULLY quiet, didn't have a proper conversation with anyone the whole day. And I feel a lil tired of messaging people and trying to get a conversation started cause well, everyone doesn't really seem to want to talk today. And I'm also tired of trying to think of stuff to talk about when people don't really reply anyway gosh, guess it's just one of those days?

Maybe it's cause Audrey is having her hiatus now so yeah, she was probably the only person i got to talk to everyday. And most of the time she was the only person I talked to for that day. And now gosh, there's no one at all! >.< Where did all the talking people go... sigh... Oh well, gotta live with it for the moment cause she wouldn't be back anytime soon. And I'm suddenly in this anti-love mood geesh, wonder what's up with that. Feel like I seriously don't wanna ever get attached cause its just such a hussle =P And there seem to be a lot more bad points compared to good points in them.

Its just all sooooo weird, happening after Worship Night and stuff gosh, really have to watch myself have a feeling something not too good might be coming my way =s







With faith like a child.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Post-Worship Night Blues?

Feels weird after last night and stuff, like wow it all just ended yesterday and wah, miss it already =P But I have to say it really was very good, not just musically (because everyone made their fair share of mistakes =P) but yeah, it was very good spiritually for everyone. It really once another experience for me, and not to mention the lessons I learnt from it, yeah bet the whole team feels the same way I do =)

Anyway, I shall not get stuck in post-Worship Night blues yeah! There'll be more of them in the future (with or without me depending on army stuff next time =P) and yeah, will have many more great moments like this. And I wanted start with something new today, I'm gonna put a list of people I wanna thank for really being a part of my life =D Like Pastor Juliet prayed for me and one of the things she says is that she feels God wants me to know although I feel people don't appreciate me enough sometimes its okay, He's there for me yeah =) Can't really remember exactly what she said, I was still playing while she came to pray for me =P

But yeah, keep starting the list will be my main ministry, worship ministry! And in particular Shawn, Kelvin and Lynnette with have been like older siblings guiding Kevin and I through the whole planning of Worship Night. And also being there for everything else to, giving advice and yeah, sharing stuff with us. And there's of cause Kevin, really very encouraging being with him, just someone who I can really feel excited about youth ministry about and yeah! Know God is gonna use him to do lot of stuff and I'm more then happy to be helping too =) And also being a good friend I can hang out with yups =) Next up for the people will be the more techniquely advanced people like Samuel, Simon and Diana, nice people who try and help me during practises and stuff. Of cause theres the rest of the team, but yeah, its just not as much as those mentioned =P

Next up is the wonderful CAM! Haha yeah, although I'm not like officially in it I feel I'm a part of it already! And the people inside are just so wonderful =) Like Salene haha gosh, really thank God for bringing her into my life and at just the right time too! She's just like my older sister (although she does seem to act younger =x) but yeah, she really is someone I can be very open to and be like a spiritual support! Haha just like my old friend who was like this to me, God really knew how much I missed having a friend like that man =P And theres Audrey! Hey gal! Haha, yeah, I feel like I've known her for so long already gosh =s And yeah, comfortable with her and really thank God she was there to cheer me up and stuff when I was going through my bad patch =) Then there's Francesco, really nice dude and gosh, when I see him God tells me he has a lot potential and wah, just really feel for him man. Wanna see him grow spiritually and yeah, do great things for God =) And of cause theres the rest of them like Paoyin yeah! Haha she looks so motherly and stuff but she can be real crazy too! Really all of them are just wonderful people =D And I know God has a lot in stall for them yeah, can't wait to see what happens =)

And of cause, I can't miss out my CG! Even though its not in a very good situation at the moment the CG still means something to me, and yeah I don't wanna lose it. Theres the ever-present Paul (the only person besides me and Sheryl who is always there =P) who yeah, is really a nice chap. And yeah Sheryl who is really trying to keep the CG together, really nice gal, although she can be quite aggressive when she calls people to go for CG =x Then theres Calvin, who is always the same =P Haha actually not really, have seen him grow and its wonderful, although theres still quite a bit he could change. But yeah, all in due time God will make it happen in his timing =) Then theres Chris, who isn't exactly from my CG, but I guess he can be considered to be in it now haha, nice guy too, and yeah, someone older I can talk about church stuff and such with. And of cause there's Gen! Haha, she's quite silly and stuff but it's okay! It's what makes her special =) And she really is quite devoted to the CG, sending smses to almost everyone once a week to ask for prayer request and just ask how their doing I think it takes effort to do that yeah! And oh! Jiahui who's really like my older sister! Haha although at the moment like don't really feel that close to her anymore but yeah, she really is a wonderful sweet gal =) And theres Deb! Haha the crazy gal =x But yeah, she's usually around when I'm down all I have to do is like message her and stuff =) Miss her in church! =( Really hope she'll come back soon =D And theres Rachel, I don't know why I just have a sort of connection with her sometimes like well just get along haha. And yeah, she's like another sister =) Miss her in church too... =( And yeah, a few others who I don't really know that well but they are in my CG and they do mean something to me!

Haha wow this posting is so long already okay! Yup thats the small thanks I can give to having all this wonderful people around me, really feel blessed =) Yeah, I think its a good thing thinking bout the wonderful people around you, really makes you realize how forunate you can really be you know =P







With faith like a child.

Post-Worship Night =D

WOOHOO! Wah what a crazy night, was really great! Just whacking away haha =P Oh ouch! My knee joint hurts a lil, haha man was crazy at the kick drum just now think I busted my knee drats, and I still have to play tomorrow! So I shall pray for healing! That my knee will be okay by tomorrow yeah! =D

Haha and I learned something today really is amazing what God can do. Like during the practise before the thing itself I was kinda worried, cause the band wasn't really playing well and yeah, just wasn't tight. But you know after that Shawn shared about how he felt there was fear in the band and stuff again, and how like we shouldn't be to worried about how we do. And yeah, I thought to myself like yeah man, I'm not gonna worry and be so concerned bout how we sound and stuff. And I felt it was a challenge of my faith, to trust that He can make it happen even though I don't feel like it really sounded good.

Well what can I say? Didn't God give us a pure knockout rocking worship session? =P Haha yeah, and I felt a lot more free and less worried and stressed and just had a go at it! And yeah, just totally lost it like was singing along and stuff, and man, like in my head I wasn't thinking about anything except worshiping God and doing it through my instrument. And yeah, just felt so amazing, like there were moments I heard a totally different sound, the music just seemed so amazing, like something humanly we could never produce. And I knew it was God working through the band, man, it was one awesome rock show by God =P

So yes! Thats a bit of what happened at Worship Night 2005 for you, wouldn't say hope you all enjoyed it CAUSE I KNOW you all did haha, all praise to God always signing off,

the crazy psycho close to deaf drummer, who is a child of God, servant to all and rocks his socks off for God,

Jesher,





And from now on I shall end off all my posts with a line that is very close to my heart, because its what describes me and what I strive for everyday:

With faith like a child.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Countdown: The Day Itself! (Pre-Worship Night)

Its here! WOOHOO! FINALLY! Haha yeah, didn't put an entry in yesterday cause I was busy formatting my com and stuff =P Now I'm just sitting at home about to leave for practise for tomorrow's service, have long day ahead! But its all gonna be fun! =D And more importantly it's all gonna be for God yeah =) Haha pardon my lack of things to say, my brain space is too pre-occupied by tonight haha =P