Sigh... But Oh Well

Sigh... I feel sad when I see other people sad and going through stuff and feeling horrible... Because thats what I used to be, and like you know you wish no one else has to go through it but it happens... And I wish I could share the joy I have with people, this gift God gave which although i lost some time back I got it back again. And its the only kind of joy that will last but sigh... I just don't really know how to share it... Oh well, all I can do is pray that the people around will eventually get it too, the special joy that makes you realize all your 'problems' are really nothing cause well, you've got God and we all know how much He loves us and always blesses us and helps us in times of need. And I realize that the things I've given up, the things that have been taken away from me God has returned many folds, just gotta keep holding on knowing theres nothing to worry about! God makes everything work out =) Of cause through his own ways, and well sometimes how it works out just doesn't make sense to us, but one thing is for sure God knows best and He knows what He's doing =)

Sigh... The Problem That Is Relationships =l

Honestly, what is up with all this 'love' and mushy stuff? Haha *shrug* I honestly think its all just in the mind, think about someone a little too much, think someone is treating you a bit more special, its just all in your head the more you think about it the more you believe it. Maybe it's from my past expeiences, but honestly I find 'true love' quite a hard thing to believe, and gosh I'm staying clear of it cause it does seem to create more trouble than good. (no good in my case =P) I don't know, its like now I can unlike anyone I used to think or still think I like, cause well, its all in your head really, if you tell yourself you like someone you'll believe it, if you tell yourself you don't and just keep it in your head you wouldn't yeah. Amazing how powerful the mind is, I'm just fascinated by it. Like I realized I've managed to not think about relationship stuff for like gosh, I don't know how long. And I'm so happy now with God and my guitar, like yeah, all I do all day is talk to God and practise my guitar and its enough for me. Sure I feel lonely, but its what everyone goes through, and we have to accept that no matter how many people try to be there for you and stuff, ultimately you will feel moments of loneliness. So no point trying to find like the special someone who can always be there for you, eventually you'll still feel bits of loneliness cause well, its the hole only God can fill. For me, yeah I've accepted it, its no big deal really, find that focusing on God and music make me feel content, its more than enough really, I don't need all the troublesome affairs of the heart haha =P If its possible I would marry guitars, absolutely no questions about it, cause firstly they don't cause headaches, secondly they're a heck of a lot cheaper to maintain, and lastly they aren't mysterious and impossible to understand =x And oh, just got a new guitar amp and a capo, next up will be an effect box I'm so gonna rock all night =x Haha yeah my guitar is depriving me of sleep but its well worth it =P

Another Great Sunday =D

Haha yeah! I had a wonderful Sunday! Really was a very good day. So glad you enjoyed the surprise aud! =) And I'm SO happy the worship night stuff eventually did work out yay! Like was really wrecking my brains on how to make it work, like yeah you guys know already right I was so torn between the themes but somehow God put it in my head how to put the two together and tada! Now have a new theme that really seems to fit everything =D And I SO happy I went for the CAM meeting too aw... you guys are really wonderful! And really must thank you guys, it really meant a lot to me what you all said, especially what Esther said that really meant a lot, because God has always been sending people to tell me he really loves me and his favour is on me and I was so scared I kinda lost it =x (haha silly me =P) But yeah... and like wow, really is nice to hear all those nice things like really awwww... just wanna give you all a big hug! (or as big as I can manage =x) Haha yeah, and I really think a lot of wonderful stuff is gonna happen for CAM, like you people really are gonna do a lot of great things for God! And you people are so talented and gifted, and I can see you all really want to serve, theres just so much endless possiblities and yeah! I can't wait for it all =) Haha its just amazing like all the different ministries are picking up again and like things are getting into motion again, like yeah! I'm SOOOO happy =P

Hm... Interesting

Hm... things are getting a lil bit more interesting for me, yups despite not really talking to anyone at all, and for once I didn't receieve a single sms all day! Haha but thats okay, whats interesting is I feel like doing all the stuff I did halfway last time, like pick them up again yeah. And most of the stuff is very artsy stuff haha, yeah I'm more artisically inclined. Like drawing hm... I think I'm gonna start drawing stuff again, its been quite some time, and literature, like wow I love reading stuff, and poems and etc... Think I'll start all that again. And lets see, I do like to dance, and somewhere inside of me theres still a drama queen lurking around haha. I'm not kidding I used to like acting, although I didn't really show it and well I am kinda shy about it =P I think those two uh... I probably wouldn't be touching on any time soon, but yeah, gonna start all da drawing and literature stuff again I really like them. Besides all my guitar that is, still spend most of my days with my guitar haha, but I'm sort of running outta stuff to learn, darn I'm gonna ask my dad for more stuff =P Guess thats about it for now, till next time ^_^

Yesterday Was A Good Day =)

Wow yesterday had a lot of stuff on my mind, haha yeah, and it was a lot of good stuff =) Like when I heard all the stories from Alicia and Salene it was good! Really encouraged me because yeah, I'm just waiting to see what God wants me to do next and its not easy to not worry when I have no idea whats going to happen next. And its really encouraging seeing how things are happening for CAM, like yeah i'm excited for them too! Just wonderful to see things starting to pick up again for youth min and the different ministries.

Now on to the heavier stuff, like when I was going back home I was just thinking about stuff, and I kind thought like, how much time everyday do I spend thinking? And how much time everyday do I spend talking to God? Its like why don't I spend more time talking to God than thinking? Interesting there, I'm gonna try and use more of my time talking to God. And yeah, I realize I used to do that a lot, just hold small conversations with God all the time, but somehow I kinda lost it. So yeah! I'm gonna try and get that going again =)

Next up I thought about how blessed I really am. Like when I told the rest some of my stories yesterday yeah, I realized God really has given me a lot, sometimes when I don't even need it yeah. Like how I'll have aunties come up to give me money for no apparent reason, just because they felt God wanted them to. And sometimes like I know God is giving it to me cause I've given cheerfully and willingly, but sometimes I know I really haven't given what I should and I feel a little terrible but God still gives me extra, and yeah really feel very forunate. And then I think, with what little faith I have and the little I have done God has rewarded me with so much already, I really don't have to worry about anything do I? Its like I know God will always provide for me so yeah! Kinda makes me feel more free =)

And finally, I thought about coincidences and things that seem to happen right on time. It happens a lot for me, like I'll have people who'll say the right things, do the right things that really help me out. And yeah, I got me thinking about things, I think there really are no such things as coincidences. Like everything happens for a reason and yeah, theres always something God wants us to learn from every situation.

So yups, that was a lot of good thinking yesterday, I'm trying not to think so much today, trying to spend more time talking with God yeah =)

I Love Bright Sunny Days!

Haha yeah! I love bright sunny days! Like this morning when I went to renew my passport validity it was nice and sunny, I LOVED it! I like the nice sunlight on my skin, nice warm feeling and everythings so bright and beautiful =D Haha although I feel a bit bad that I'm enjoying it so much when everyone else is complaining about how hot it is =P But hm... I'm used to heat i think, I don't really get hot easily and I hardly ever sweat (I think partly because I hardly ever move around a lot =P) But yeah, I love it when its bright and everything just seems so vibrant and full of colour, its wonderful! Hm... and I'm thinking of what music lessons I should take soon, like I wanna do piano, but at my age o_0 it is gonna be a lil hard, gotta be realistic so still thinking about it. Or I might go for guitar lessons =D Or drum lessons haha, yeah, wondering what I should do next hm... And worship night YAY! Still got a lotta work though, all the planning and stuff bleah, but yeah! Just can't wait for it =)

And To Add

And one more thing to add for now, haha I think God really REALLY wants me to go for YMLC, because hes just been sending people to 'harass' me endlessly, and well... I don't really have a reason not to go so yeah =P Yeah, God's really pushing me for this and I don't think I can really ignore it so yups, I'm going with expectations that things will happen cause well, God wants me there something is definately going to happen and yeah, I bet it'll be a great time, will probably be bunking with Kelvin which is nice, can get to know him better and yeah, I think I'll be able to get to know the others more too, should be a lot of fun =)

Irony

I think its so ironic I'm Singaporean because I HATE the rain, and well, there're only two types of weathers here so I can't really escape from it can I? Haha, yeah, its just so weird, I think I should move overseas next time, to a place that doesn't rain much. And if you're wondering why I hate rain so much its because I have a bad history with rainy days. Bad things ALWAYS happen on rainy days for me, and yeah,just adds to the misery of not being able to go out and do much, and yeah, rain just has this affect on me to make me really really depressed. But its okay, I can live with it, I have to haha, theres no escaping it =l And ARGH, I was so looking forward to watching a movie wif deb but TSK, just wasn't my day =l Ya know I've realized everything I plan outtings early they ALWAYS manage to somehow screw up, and like I'll feel really lousy and stuff cause bleah, like plan for nothing. But its okay! I'm still waiting for my first sucessful one =P Think I'll learned to deal with the disappointment already like yups its okay, can't expect things to always work out (even when it seems like they never =P) But yeah, its okay =) Didn't get to eat ice cream today NOOOOOOOO like I was SOOOOO waiting for it, for like months, I can't even remember how many but for VERY LONG yeah =x I shall wait for my next chance, hopefully it comes soon... I'm dying from lack of ice cream...

Thinking About Thoughts

You know after all the stuff I've gone through, I've realize one very scary thing. What you think makes you. Its true, its not the environment, not the people around, but what you think that shapes you. All the environment, the people around you do is put thoughts in your head, and it really is up to you what you make of it and do with it. Letting yourself dwell on the negative thoughts will eventually lead to you believing them, and while some of it may be true, what you do with knowing that is important too. And really I've learn I have to take control of my thoughts, if I just keep feeling miserable about myself it'll get me nowhere... And if I just hate myself I'll just dig myself deeper in despair, so I'm gonna try and surrender every thought I have to God, give it away before its allowed to fester and ruin me yeah... Because thoughts are dangerous, they really are, if I don't monitor them my mind will just become the devil's playground, and it'll just be a wreck. And the only way to stop that really is to just give it all up to God. Just dawned on me God wants all of me, not just my body and my heart but my mind as well, and its the mind thats the hardest to give up, cause we want to have our own opinions, we want to think things through and decide on things, we want to be in control so much. So now my prayer is to surrender my mind, to let my thoughts be His thoughts and to change myself through the way I think. Or its one aspect anyway.

Taking Things Easy

Yups, still a lil unstable, but I'm taking things easy. I think it really was very bad, like Calvin asked how I was and told me even Chris was like asking him whats up with me and like hm... yeah I know I made a lotta people worried sorry guys... And thanks for being patient with me guys, yup yup, especially jh, *HUG* you really are the older sister I never had, thanks so much for always trying to be there for me =) And the others too yeah, thanks guys =) I'm still trying to get things right so yeah, don't be too worried if I seem to have a little relapse every once in awhile yup yup, nothing to worry about =)

Better Today =)

Thanks aud! Haha you know I didn't tell you this but I prayed for something to happen today last night, like prayed that God would send someone to talk to me and yeah! ^_^ Haha so yups, I'm feeling better, mind you I'm being very careful now I don't want to fall back into it again. So yups, just gonna watch it for now, hopefully things stay good and yeah, I'll be alright eventually =) And haha really thanks for listening to all my nonsense and stuff yup yup, guess it does feel better =P

God Help Me... I'm Drowning In Dispair And Only You Can Save Me

Sigh... all this blogging these few days doesn't even come close to all the mayhem thats been going on inside of me. Its just a feeling you can't express with words, its something no one else could ever understand. I need you God... I don't like what I'm becoming, my life just seems to be filled with pain and sadness, and an intense hatred of everything I am. And so I want every else to hate me too, because it feels like they can't really be my friends so the other alternative is to be my enemies. I know I'm not making sense, I'm just so lost, wishing I had someone I could really talk too... Why is it I've only sunken so low recently? Like everything just collapsed, it didn't even go downhill it just went straight to hell this year. I've always been alone, and it never really mattered but now it just hurts so much... I don't want this anymore, I wish I could just forget about friendships and relationships because they don't seem to build me up at all, I just keep getting hurt and torn down by it all. Maybe I just haven't met the right people to be my friends yet, maybe I'm suppose to live with this, whatever it is I hope you do something soon God cause I don't want to become what I hate, I don't want to lose all the good things I had and become this monster. Thats what I am now, some hidious monster, I guess thats why everyone wants to avoid me isn't it? I don't blame them really... and I can't do anything about it but pray, pray that you just handle it God, teach me to live without friends or whatever, just save me... I had enough... I don't want to fall anymore cause what I'll turn to next really really scares me...

Hate Me Because I Hate Myself

And I'm sorry if I've made anyone upset really, I'm not in a right state of mind, hate me if you want, cause I hate myself. I don't want to hear another everything will be alright, I don't want unless words that don't change anything. I just want people to try and understand how I feel, but thats impossible isn't it? So its okay, just hate me, and that'll be enough, the few people who show the slightest hint of concern just forget about it, ignore me like everyone else does cause you honestly had enough of me haven't you? You probably don't want anymore of my crap and yeah, I know you just wanna stay away and wash your hands off this whole thing. Well go ahead, I don't care anymore, why should I care if people care about me cause thats just being selfish, and I wouldn't care about other people cause its none of my business. So there it is, I've given up on everything, because I hate everything, and most of all myself so hate me too.

We're All Going To Die

We're All Going To Die by Blindside

Wait up, don’t you close your eyes
Breathe life little flower
You’ve got 20 T-cells left to burn
Please choose life with its sweet and sour

Don’t sing your last lullaby
I don’t think it is time

We’re all going to die
But we’re all not meant to die young
We’re all going to die
But we’re all not meant to die young

Wait up, don’t you close your eyes
Love has been hidden in the shadow
You’ve got the rope already tied around your neck
One voice whispers life through your sorrow

Don’t sing your last lullaby
I don’t think it is time

We’re all going to die
But we’re all not meant to die young
We’re all going to die
But we’re all not meant to die young

This is not your lullaby
Don’t go to sleep
Not yet

We’re all going to die
But we’re all not meant to die young
Wait for the sunrise
Cause we're all not meant to die young






Sigh... why not? I would love to die young, cause once you're old enough dreams die, hoeps fade, friends disappear and you're all alone, I really wish I could die young... And what difference am I from someone dead? I'm just a walking wounded, a living dead, its no difference me being alive and being being six feet under. Well I'll just go back to my dead life, another silent day goes by, another of many meaningless days passes me by, till the die I finally die.

Thoughts

Listening To Freddy Mercury by Emery

Every once in a while I think I'm lying.
Take it to the bank, I believe every word I say.
(This just isn't how, this just isn't how)
Then again, this is when you start your prying.
But there's a thought it could be true.
But this just isn't how I imagined it would be.
With these random people just asking the most personal things.
And to think that somehow I could always come clean.
And you shake your head just like you know what I mean.

You're a Christian tell the sinner
Find repentance it's your last chance.
You believer, Where's your patience?
Answer questions, Put on faces.
What about God? For you and for me.
All have fallen short.

(To see if it's right or wrong to listen to this song.
I don't want you to.
To see if you're okay with all the words I say.
It can't be this way.)

Somehow someone is more equal than others.
Depending on the words we choose to say.
A glance at her too long tonight.
But everything I am saying is right in your ears.
We are all the sisters and the brothers.
Until we find we don't believe the same.

Like...
Gary is getting drunk to forget Sarah.
Sarah is stealing money from her parents.
Aaron is lying straight to Jon.
About Megan and the things that went on.
Jessica is a gossip. Laura is a slut.
Derrick hits Bridget and Ben deals drugs.
Seth spends all his money gambling.
Joey stopped praying. It is all the same thing.
We are all the same people.
With sinning hearts that make us equal.
Here is my hand, not words said desperately.
It is not our job to MAKE anyone believe.







I'm not saying anything, just look at the lyrics, theres quite a bit of truth in it.

On Damn

Oh DAMMIT, I let it stay in my mind too long now I can't get it out, the feeling like you've been abandoned by everyone you call a 'friend' and yeah, just feel down in the dumps. I don't know, am I too demanding in relationships? Is it so I can't accept that I can only occasionally meet up with friends on Sunday, and frankly speaking only talk to them in person (phone included) on Sundays also? And like well, nobody seems to really know when I'm feeling down, I guess can't really blame them when I never get to talk to them yeah. But I can't really do anything about it when people are busy, or like I don't know, I've drifted from everyone already. Now I can't think of anyone I could call a close friend, I can't think of anyone I could actually share stuff with and actually feel like yeah, the person did actually listen and try to help me out and make me feel better, but nopes, now if I do share anything with anyone its only a bit, cause I get the feeling they don't really wanna know too much. Maybe cause its happening to much, and people are getting a little irritated with hearing the same thing over and over again, I wouldn't blame them, honestly I'd hate myself if I was someone else. Sigh... I can't seem to really find anymore good listening ears, if I've known any I've probably made even them irritated with all my nonsense. I guess I just have to live with it... thank goodness for my blog, my only way to express my feelings and thoughts with no worries I'm like putting people off and stuff, cause yeah, I think I've more or less chased people away from this blog already probably only 2 or 3 people bother to come here once in awhile. And you would think knowing that would be some consolation but *shrug* it doesn't really make a difference, this blog is more or less my personal diary, and yeah, I have A LOT of negative emotions I have to vent out, cause well, theres no other way to let it out for me. This transparency can really kill people, feeling like everyone is just looking through you and yeah, you just don't exist. I don't know, I guess it has done one good for me, and that is I wanna be a singer next time, to write songs for the lonely, for people like me who don't really have friends, just some 'nice' people they've met who'll say hi every once in awhile when they see them. Friendships are so superficial nowadays, no one wants to know what you're going through and all that, everyone just wants people to hear their story and know how miserable their life is. And yes I know its ironic cause thats what I'm doing too, well I guess cause I'm tired of just listening already. Its nice to see people happy and stuff after they tell you things and they know you're actually listening but well, I do want people to really listen to me too. Gosh I'm becoming such a cynic, first I don't believe in romance and love, now I'm starting to doubt friendshipd crap, this is really not going well, I needa find a real friend and find one fast =l And I'm really sorry if all this nonsense hurts anyone, but honestly, I'm feeling very lonely and friendless at the moment I hope you understand. I don't mean to be angry or upset with any of you nice people who still bother to read all my rubbish really, its just I don't like people in general yeah. Guess I becoming a cynical anti-social huh, man I really gotta watch it.

Hm... Again

Hm... I think I should just stop thinking about it, this loneliness thing is really one heck of an irritating problem. Yup, and its no use trying to talk to people about it cause well:

1. There aren't many people who would want to listen to all my crap.
2. I don't want people to have to suffer all my crap.
3. I can't even stand my own crap and don't really wanna hear it all again.
4. Most importantly, it wouldn't make a difference, most people will just try and say a few nice things and yeah, thats it, or they just totally ignore it.

And sorry if stuff I say here offends anyone, honestly don't think anyone really reads this, if you still do I applaude your patience and tolerance because I can't even stand myself sometimes =P But it is true, talking to friends about stuff never solves anything for me, if they even are willing to listen in the first place. Anyways yeah, I said I'd put it aside so yups, not gonna think about it and just continue living quietly, does get nice every once in awhile. Hope I'm not turning into a mean lonely hermit lol =P

And Hm...

And another thing I've notice is that all my friendships with people are actually getting more superficial, hm... I don't know, don't know what to talk to people about anymore and yeah, just feels a lil weird, oh well, its okay! Whats important is I have God and my guitar yeah! They're my only true friends really, always there no matter what ^_^ Maybe it is good my friendships seem to be drifting apart a bit, then yeah, can learn to live alone and stuff, cause eventually when everyones all grown up, people aren't really gonna have that much time to care and stuff and yeah, I'll have to watch out for myself and keep myself emotionally stable haha, so I might as well start living with just God and music early on, get a bit of a headstart so it'll be a lot easier next time =P Yup yup, silence is good I guess, have lots of time to think and stuff, don't really have to worry about anything, cause well, I don't know anything to be worried about haha. Just nice quiet silence with no disturbances. Although it has dulled me a lot, like I don't really talk as much as I do anymore, and I'm not very fun anymore, but then its okay cause I'm not out to make more friends and stuff, I'm just happily living quietly with God and music =) Friends are just small lil distraction or bonuses that float in and out every once in awhile, theres no such thing as a true friend that'll stick forever, I guess everyone gets kinda sick of each other after too long lol =P

Bored

Haha yeah, I'm all bored again, ZZzzz... Haven't really talked to anyone since Sunday haha, yeah, its only two days so still can hold it off, bet i'll be either super high or super sianed by Sunday, and yeah haha, hopefully its super high =P Well, thats about it I guess, thats my life for you haha, think I'll go take a nap or something and see what else is there to do after that =P

Hm...

Haha hm... a quiet peaceful day has just gone by =P Haha yeah, nothing much happening lately but its okay, its just me, my guitar and God =) Although I still feel lonely a lot but yeah, think with more time I'll get the hang of it, at least now I'm starting to look forward to Sundays again, like have more people to hang out with and stuff now yeah =D Yups, hm... haha just a lil weird, after all the highs and stuff it always seems to get very quiet, but yeah, things are gonna be fine and yups =) I think I'll just spend more time with God and my guitar, help to pass the time yeah, till Sunday then yay! Fun time ^_^ Its nicer now I got a couple more friends to talk to and stuff yeah, although its like not very deep friendships yet but well in time to come they'll be good buddies yeah! Like Ka Fai and gang haha, they're fun people to hang out with, and Salene and her cg people too haha, yeah, all really nice people =) And YEAH, I'm finally gonna start gathering all the Jars of Clay guitar tabs I can get my hands on AND learn ALL of them! =P I'm also gonna get their Redemption Songs CD, its the only one I don't have, besides the fan club CD and one bonus one that came out with a repackage of one of their older CDs. Its hardcore guitar practising time! =P

I'm Hanging On To You God =)

Hang On To You by Delirious?

And I'll hang on to you
'Cos you're stronger and you keep me from falling
And you brighten the world with your beauty
Keep me closer I'm calling

Looking out like a little child
Holding tight when it all gets wild

And I'll hang on to you
Nothing in this world will see me through
Only you
And I'll hang on to you
Everyday I live, I give to You

And your love it is true
I feel stronger and I'm happy to know you
'Cos you shine like the sun and you're brighter
Than the darkness that's falling

Nothing in this world could ever take your place
Happiness is found in your holy face
In your warm embrace





Strange how I always get back to this song, it just means so much to me =D Haha I'm okay! YAY! Yeah, gosh, like I've been praying God will just break my hardened heart, melt away the coldness and yeah! He really did it, cause I was so scared of what I'd become, yet I couldn't dare to part with it cause I was so afraid of being hurt again, afraid to feel again. But its okay now! Like I finally hit back on what was most important to me, and that is to please God, and to see others please him too, and rejoice for what he has done, for me and the people around me. It was just amazing just now, like I took a moment to stop singing and just listen, and I could really feel all the worship rising up to God, I even heard angels singing throughout it all and it was just so beautiful, yeah, thats all that really matters, seeing God get the praise he deserves =) So yup, when things get rough and tough, I'll hang on to you God! And I'll get through it like I always do =)

Sigh... What Is Becoming Of Me...

Sigh... I really wonder whats wrong with me, I've become so cold-hearted and harden up so much I really don't know who I am anymore. Its so scary, I've become the thing I've always hated, the thing that hated love, hated being nice and caring. Because its so hard to just go on doing those stuff when you get nothing in return, it gets harder and harder and honestly its come to a point I don't see why I'm doing it when I just get hurt more everytime, yes its not intentional but it happens, I get hurt very easily and I don't let it show, but its still there and I just can't take it anymore. Maybe thats why I've allowed myself to harden up so much, because I'm fed up, fed up of trying to have friends and be happy and the whole charade, ignoring the pain thats just festering underneathe. I used to have a friend who knew when I was upset, who'd always come talk to me when she felt there was something up and I needed someone to talk to, and I always felt better after talking to her. Sadly I don't have anyone like that anymore. Its like everyone just chooses to ignore me when I'm feeling real aweful and down, like oh, he's in his mood again, lets just avoid him till he gets better yeah. Problem is I'll never get better, never when I'm alone, the lonelier I am the worse I get and well, its a fact I'll always be lonely so yeah. And the only other alternative seems to be to just close up, harden up and not bother about anyone anymore. Or at least for the moment, I'm just not gonna care or feel anymore, although I'm getting a bit worried it'll be kinda permanent... Oh well, I shouldn't talk about this anymore it'll probably make me feel worse, or at least for today, I'll probably be back to rant and go on and on about my depressing life, man I have some serious issues, but wouldn't you if you had to go through life alone?

Silence

Sigh... its back to the quiet days, where nothing happens and its just silent. Well its okay really, means I don't have to make any effort to talk or anything. Yup, and like I'm never bothered or anything, guess its good. I guess I'll just get back to doing my stuff quietly, if I have anything to do haha, or I can just enjoy the silence yups, its what my whole life is about anyway.

Mae

And oh, have to mention I LOVE the band Mae =P Its a very piano driven emo band, plays very nice melodic music thats not too loud, man its just awesome =D




Painless by Mae

The sun was barely coming up,
my heart was all but slowing down.
but I could barely make out the sound.
It was my personal symphony.

Striking the chords for only me.
There was a coursing all through my veins.
Another chance to get away, oh.

Until this empty place is filled, I’ll keep pretending.

Hey! Wait! Knock me down and I'll get up again.
Oh! Pain! A remedy that can erase your sting.
I'll keep holding, and I'll keep trying.
I feel this fight, it is slowly dying now but I feel painless...

These days and night blend into one,
but one more night is all I need.
Another chord from the symphony.
To float above the world for now,
to lose control is bliss somehow.
And wring the color from the grey,
another chance to get away, oh.

Until this empty place is filled, I’ll keep pretending.

Hey! Wait! Knock me down and I'll get up again.
Oh! Pain! A remedy that can erase your sting.
I'll keep holding, and I'll keep trying.
I feel this fight, it is slowly dying now but I feel painless...

All these reckless nights, have left me spinning out of control.
Is there not a cure for sorrow?
All these faded lights, have made me search for something more.
Will there be a new, tomorrow.

Until this empty place is filled, I’ll keep pretending.

Hey! Wait! Knock me down and I'll get up again.
Oh! Pain! A remedy that can erase your sting.
I’ll keep holding, and I’ll keep trying tonight.

Hey! Wait! Knock me down and I'll get up again.
Oh! Pain! A remedy that can erase your sting.
I'll keep holding, and I'll keep trying.
I feel this fight, it is slowly dying now but I feel painless...